Living In Two Worlds
We live in a world that is far from perfect. We see around us daily the unlevel emotions of ourselves and our loved ones. We see disappointment, fear, anxiety and anger, just to name a few. Our lives don’t always go as planned. Things fall through. What we hoped for didn’t happen. Things can be canceled or changed. Our expectations don’t pan out. But on the flip side, we see joy and beauty. We are surrounded by God’s meticulous creation. We share in celebration and happiness with the people that surround us. We fall in love. We get the job. We are healthy or feeling good. We hear laughter. Plans come to fruition and hard work pays off.
For me, I lost my husband to cancer but I now have a new joy filled life. I have spent 8 years trying to live in the tension of devastation and joy. I am living in desperate grief and longing for my best friend yet holding the hand and feeling the love of my new best friend. I get caught in the middle or I find myself swinging more one way than the other and feeling guilty either way. Is there a place where I can live in harmony with both worlds? My old life and my new?
As I read the bible I realize that we live in a fallen world that isn’t meant to be fixed on this side of eternity. We aren’t meant to try and solve all the problems, although God uses us mightily to shine light into a dark world. We are told to rest in the promises of peace in the midst of sorrow.
“Peace I leave with you, perfect peace I give to you: Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid. Let my perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.
John 14:27
God didn’t create us for a troubled life but because of the fall, here we are. Living in turmoil but under a sovereign God who is bigger than all of it. It is possible to live in the tension of devastation and joy. I can miss my old life and also find joy in my new life. It’s ok. As I learn that it is in fact ok, the more peace I find, the more my past brings me joy and the more I can enjoy my new life free of guilt. God knows. He knows the tender parts of my heart and when I will be triggered with grief. He is sitting right next to me holding my hand telling me it’s ok to be sad. But it is also ok to look up from my sadness and see the face of my beautiful daughter that is only here because Benji isn’t. I don’t always have to figure out my grief or make sense of it. I just need to accept it for what it is, both.
If you find yourself in a constant battle of the good and the bad just know that Jesus lived the same way. He found joy in the people that He created but He also knew that those same people would kill him. But even in that tragedy God had a plan with using his death and resurrection to ultimately save us.
So today, ask Jesus to help you meld the two. Be ok with the inconsistencies and embrace all of it. The devastation and the celebration. The sorrow and the joy. Allow it all to create the perfect symphony of your life.
I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”
John 16:33
