Grieving at Christmas: When the Holidays Feel Upside Down
When Your Christmas Feels Upside Down
Have you ever seen an upside down Christmas tree?
It is odd.
It feels wrong.
It’s not how it’s supposed to be.
Disappointment is unfortunately part of life. We have a vision of what our life is supposed to look like… but then we look around and none of it matches what we imagined.
The tree is upside down.
When Life Doesn’t Look the Way You Planned
Do you feel like your tree is upside down this year?
Are you processing loss, hardship, or change? Or maybe nothing is technically “wrong,” but a heaviness follows you into every room.
Do you feel like you are the only one in the whole, entire world who feels this way? Everyone else seems to be having magical, merry holidays — and you are stuck in a slump. A fog. A dark place.
It doesn’t feel fair.
It feels disappointing.
Isolating.
Ugly.
A Blue Christmas and an Honest Heart
I was invited to attend an event at a local church called Blue Christmas. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but I knew it had something to do with grief and sadness during the holiday season.
In the days leading up to it, I felt a darkness slowly crawling into my soul. But I refused to believe that grief was moving back in to stay for a while.
I was asked to do a reading during the service, so I went with an open heart — knowing full well it would stir up emotion about my own loss.
Thinking I Was Going to Help Someone Else
My hope was that I would be able to love and pray for another grieving person. I prayed I could use my own story of loss to comfort someone else.
But do you know who needed comfort on that dark, cold longest night of the year?
Me.
Letting the Grief In (Again)
I read the assigned words and tried to push aside the walls I had carefully erected. I am just so over this grieving thing.
I didn’t want to cry this season.
I didn’t want to lament.
I didn’t want to grieve.
But I lost a spouse. That is part of my life forever.
So I let it in.
I set aside my expectations that because this is my 11th Christmas without Benji, everything would feel fine. I surrendered the expectation that this holiday season would be filled to the brim with joy, leaving no room for sorrow.
I let it in.
I cried hot, heavy tears and allowed Jesus into those dark, broken places that still exist in my heart — places that may never fully see the light of day again.
But Jesus.
God Is Light in Our Darkness
He is light. Darkness is not darkness to Him.
“This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there's not a trace of darkness in him.”
— 1 John 1:5
When we walk along those well-worn paths of sorrow, He walks with us.
We don’t have to believe the lie that we are alone.
We don’t have to curl up with sadness and grip the fear that it will never end.
Jesus Is the Light of the World
“I am the Light of the world.”
— John 8:12
When we clip our sadness to the strings of Jesus, He brings reprieve. He fills us with peace. He enables us to take a deep, steady breath.
Resting in His Presence This Christmas
Our circumstances may not change.
But our hearts can rest knowing:
We are not alone.
God has a plan.
Even in a fallen world full of turmoil, He holds us.
He sits with us.
He will bring restoration in His perfect timing.
We can sit in our despair, calling out to our great and mighty God, knowing that He hears us. He grieves with us. He longs to wrap His arms around us in our darkest times.
I am praying for all of you who are grieving this Christmas.
Hang on.
Cling tight.
Rest in His presence.
“But let all who take refuge and put their trust in you rejoice. Let them ever sing for joy; because you cover and shelter them, let those who love your name be joyful and exult in you.”
— Psalm 5:11
If your heart feels tender reading this, I created something just for you.
Hope in the Hard is a free 5-day devotional for women walking through grief, loss, or unexpected life changes. It’s filled with Scripture, honest reflection, and reminders that God meets us right in the middle of the dark.
If Christmas feels heavy this year, this devotional will give you something steady to cling to.
You can read more about me and my story HERE
If You’re Walking Through Grief This Season
If this Christmas feels upside down for you, I want you to know you are not alone.
My book, The Hard Journey to the Good: A Widow’s Journey from Loss to New Life, shares more of the story of losing Benji and how God faithfully met me in the dark.
If you need hope in the hard, this book was written for you.
And if you’d like weekly encouragement for your grief journey, I would love to send it straight to your inbox.
You can join my email community here. 💛
