Have you ever seen an upside down Christmas tree?

It is odd.

It is wrong and not how it is suppose to be.

Disappointment is unfortunately part of life. We have a vision or an idea of what our life is suppose to be like but then we look around at our life and none of it is what we envisioned. 

 

The tree is upside down. 

 

Do you feel like your tree is upside down this year? Are you processing loss, hardship or change? Or maybe nothing is “wrong” but you just have a darkness that follows into every room.

 

Do you feel like you are the only one in the whole, entire world that feels like you do? Everyone else is having magical and merry holidays and you are stuck in a slump? A fog? A dark place? 

 

It's not fair and it is disappoining. 

Its isolating and ugly. 

 

I was invited to attend an event in a local church called Blue Christmas. I wasn't quite sure what to expect but I knew that it was something to do with grief and sadness in this holiday season. 

 

I had been feeling a darkness crawl into my soul the days leading up to it but I refused to believe that once again grief was moving in to hang out for a bit. 

 

I was asked to do a reading so I went with an open heart…knowing full well that it would probably stir up emotion about my own loss. 

 

My hope was that I would be able to love and pray for another grieving person. I prayed that I would be able to use my own story of loss to comfort someone else. 

 

But do you know who needed the comfort on that dark, cold longest night of the year?

 

Me. 

 

I read the words I was assigned to read during the service and I tried pushed aside all the walls I had erected because I am just so over this grieving thing. I didn't want to cry this season. I didn't want to lament. I didn't want to grieve. 

 

But I lost a spouse… that is just part of my life and it will be forever. 

 

So I let it in. I set aside my expectations that because this my 11th Christmas without Benji that all would be well and I wouldn't be sad. 

 

I surrendered the expectations that this holiday season would be full to the brim with joy with no room left for sorrow. 

 

I let it in. I blubbered that hot, wet tears and allowed Jesus into those dark, broken places that still exist in my heart. Dark places that may never again see the light of day…

 

But Jesus. 

 

He is light. Darkness is not darkness to Him. 

 

“This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there's not a trace of darkness in him.”

1 John 1:5

 

 

When we walk along those well, worn paths of sorrow He walks with us. 

 

We don't have to believe the lie that we are alone. 

We don't have to snuggled up with sadness and grip the fear that it will never end.

 

Jesus  is the LIGHT of the WORLD.

John 8:12

 

When we clip our sadness to the strings of Jesus He can bring reprieve, He can fill us with peace and He can enable us to take a much needed deep breath. 

 

Our circumstances may not change but our hearts can rest knowing that we are not alone, God has a plan and that even though we live in a fallen world full of turmoil that He hold us, He sits with us and He will bring restoration in His perfect timing. 

 

We can sit in our despair, calling out to our great and mighty God, knowing that He HEARS us. He grieves with us and He longs to wrap His arms around us in our darkest times. 

 

I am praying for all of you who are grieving this Christmas. 

 

Hang on, cling tight and rest in His presence. 

 

“ But let all who take refuge and put their trust in you rejoice. Let them every sing for Joy; Because you cover and shelter them, let those who love your name be joyful and exult in you.”

Psalm 5:11