Settle into Surrender

I pulled up to the church on a rainy Saturday morning, car loaded with boxes of decor and trinkets for our Tea and Testimony event that I hold every month. This is an event where we invite one of our ladies to share their story, why they love Jesus and what He has done in their life.

I always feel a bit nervous before an event, wanting everything to be perfect with all the things in place. I hope for a sweet atmosphere of joy to fill the room as the ladies arrive. I don’t want it to only be aesthetically pleasing but I want them to leave with a sense of peace, purpose, encouragement or whatever the Lord has for them that day.

I lugged each box individually up to the front door and after the car was empty I unlocked the church door, disarmed the alarm system and began to bring in each box one at a time. When I got to the last box I wasn’t able to grab it and hold the door open at the same time, so I let the door close behind me as I picked up the heavy box.

As I struggled to reach for the doorknob with the heavy load, I tugged and it was locked. Did I really just lock myself out? How could this happen? I didn’t have my phone. I didn’t have the keys.

I set the down the load and stood in stunned silence as I quickly realized that I was completely hindered from continuing my task of unloading, decorating and preparing for the women to arrive.

I was rendered useless.

The questions swirled in my mind as I paced the front porch. What if everyone showed up and I am not ready? What if my friend who said she would be there soon didn’t show up with a key? What if this event falls flat and I am left embarrassed by my simple mistake? What if the women don’t get to gain what the Lord wanted for them today?

As I stood on the steps of the church waiting for my friend to pull around the corner I began to think about how much we rely on things in this world. Our phones, our ability to quickly communicate, our own ability to get done what needs to get done.

As I settled into the waiting I felt the Lord gently whisper. “Heidi, you are not in control.” I let this truth sink into my heart as I began to repent of trying to be in control off all the things. Not just church events but my home, my writing, my parenting. I often am so hurried in my life that I forgot to stop and remember where I get my ability and my strength.

Doesn’t this happen to us so much friends? We get so caught up in our every day tasks that we forget who is equipping us? We are not in control and we never were. When we give our lives to Jesus He gives us one sweet thing, something we lose sight of so easily. He gives us Himself. We are being used by Him and He ultimately has the plan laid out for our lives. We can plan as much as we would like but He is ultimately in control. This gives me a sweet peace that I don’t have to strive. I don’t have to manifest and I don’t have to control. It reminds of me of the precious verse Psalms:

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:16

This is a treasured truth can can pull us through in those moments an anxiously losing control.

Eventually my friend did pull around the corner, modeling Christ as our Savior. He will always show up. It may not be how we expect, He may allow us to go through challenging and difficult things but He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Perhaps I needed that simple reminder to slow down. Do you need this reminder today?

Questions to Ponder

Are you striving where you should be submitting?

Are you seeking control when you should be yielding to what God has for you?

Are you holding onto something because you are afraid if you let go everyone will fall apart?

Vereses to meditate on today

A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.

Proverbs 16:9

The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].

Psalm 37:23

Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?

Proverbs 20:24

O Lord [pleads Jeremiah in the name of the people], I know that [the determination of] the way of a man is not in himself; it is not in man [even in a strong man or in a man at his best] to direct his [own] steps

Jeremiah 10:23